Ramblings from My Soul

Grief comes in waves. I am not certain how many waves there would be, when they would come, and the intervals in between. What I am sure of is that the first wave comes with the firsts.  First car drive without Buddy.  First time to go home with no one barking and wagging his tail like there's no tomorrow.  First time that no one bows his head to get his hand blessing from us and then bursts running.  First time to take off my shoes without someone hugging me by my lap.  First family meal without someone barking to call me for dinner and sprinting to the dinner table, pushing on our legs with his feet to ask for more food.  First time to open the terrace door without someone trailing for his pee routine.  First Sunday bath day without those cute round eyes staring at me while your favorite worn-out towel waves above you. First time not being able to say "Good night, Buddy" to my roommate for almost 11 years.  First time not being able to say "Good...

I turn 3 years in the company today, and I find myself reflecting on how time hasn’t just flown—it has flowed. When I first questioned whether “time has flown by” was the right phrase to begin this reflection, I realized I was drawn to the word flow. Because that’s exactly what these past three years have been—a steady, meaningful flow of purpose, growth, and quiet affirmations. This role has been a convergence of three things: two long-held dreams and one unexpected prophecy. ✨ Dream #1: MEPZ Back in college, I had a simple wish—to one day work in MEPZ. No timeline, no strategy, just a quiet hope. It wasn’t until three months into this job that I realized that Cebu Light Industry Park was part of the MEPZ group. A childhood dream fulfilled, almost unnoticed. ✨ Dream #2: Financial Goals In 2019, I set a financial goal with no clear path to achieving it. Nothing too grand, just something I would need for a life project. I simply put it out there, trusting the universe to lis...

Despite Typhoon Falcon and another low pressure area brewing, I decided to still go through with my solo trip from Vigan to Pagudpud. The last time I was here was in 2011. I've been to a lot of beaches all over the country and in other countries but there's just something about this place that strikes a chord in me. When I got there after more than three hours, it w as very cloudy and drizzling. It was a weekday and there were few to none tourists on the beach. I decided to swim and eventually the drizzle broke into heavy rain. I was happy, like a child excited with the rain. I decided to lie on the sand and close my eyes. It's amazing how many different sounds the rain can make when you listen with intention: when it pelts on your skin, when it falls on sand, and when it dives to the sea like a fleet of miniature pelicans. Then I noticed all other sounds: the soda-hissing beat of the waves as they retreat back from crashing the shore as well as the sound of sand grains scr...

My flight going home got delayed due to inclement weather. I was already at the airport when the airline announced this blaringly on the paging system. While waiting for flight updates, my phone's battery squealed begging for it to be plugged to a charging station. Around thirty minutes later in the charging area, I heard another passenger to my back let out a sigh of exasperation while softly mumbling "Paano na to?!" (What will I do now?). Apparently, she couldn't charge her battery-dead phone because her charger had prongs incompatible with what we have in the Philippines. I heard the gears of my mind screeching to a halt and I could hear the Dalai Lama whispering the words "compassion for others". You see, just this morning, I was a reading a book on happiness that he co-authored. In my mind, I replied to the Dalai Lama, "Why not?" When I turned back, she was already nowhere to be found. Decided to turn this opportunity into an act of co...

Out of a lack of better things to do and too much time on our hands, my friends and I took the long route from Melbourne to Sydney then to Newcastle. By long I meant a 14-hour train ride instead of the more convenient hour and a half trip by plane. We reckoned that it would be a good idea to experience our first long train ride. Surprisingly, I found the trip to be much less boring than I imagined it to be. The route was scenic and it was a chance to keep the mind free and rested from the worries of daily life. What got my attention for the most part of the trip were two old men just one row before us and across the opposite side of the train. When the train left Melbourne, one of these old men was by himself. He was minding his business drinking coffee from his big stainless steel thermal mug while reading a book whose title I couldn't quite figure out from afar. An hour and several train stations later, the train was almost full. The seat beside the old man w...

Minsan may mga sugat na hindi gumagaling. Sadyang ngingatngat ng mahapding alaala. At kahit pilitin nating gumaling, hindi na. Kahit anong pagsisikap ang gawin para makaahon mula sa matulis na pangil ng masaklap na pag-ibig, hindi na. Wala ng pag-asa. At kung makaahon ka man, hindi na ikaw yun. Ibang tao ka na. Pero ang maganda nito, pwede kang magsimula. Ibang tao ka na eh. Punong-puno ng posibilidad na pwedeng mangyari. And dami-daming pagkatao na pwede mong pagpilian. Kailangan mo lang pumili. Gusto mo bang maging sugatan habang-buhay? O gusto mo bang salubungin ang hinaharap kasama ang umaapaw na pag-asa. Pumili ka. Pumili ka nang mabuti.

Before you pass any judgment on this article based solely on the title, hear me out. The first time I heard the counsel of the line "This too shall pass" was when I watched the movie My Bestfriend's Wedding. It came at a time when I needed consolation from all the pain and spiritual confusion that I was going through in high school. And the adage did provide comforting strokes everytime I used it on my then unhappy soul. Fast forward to 2010s. I am a different person. Probably a better way of saying it would be that I am the same person with a wider range of experiences and a healthier perspective in life. Don't get me wrong; I look at my old self with fondness and gratitude for the wisdom that it has taught the "me-now". This same wisdom has led me to rethink the profoundness of the "This too shall pass" motto. You see, if I use this line to assure myself that all bad things that happen in my life will eventually end, then it also goes to sa...

Hope is a tricky thing especially when it comes to waiting. It's like throwing a die. Five sides tell you that the person you are waiting for will come. You feel confident about the winning odds after the wait. It's the sixth side that does the painful trick because even after all the odds were in your favor, that even with all the five sides that you have been rooting for, you got that one miserable side. You throw the dice. You wait, patiently. But nothing comes. No one comes. You realize you have been waiting for nothing. And then it strikes you. The last goodnight that person sent to you was, in fact, a goodbye. And then you know it's over.

While on the brink of wallowing and self-pity because I got sick when I'm in the most relaxed schedule I've had in six months, I decided to apply the emotional intelligence skill of creating positive emotions by going through the teacher evaluation done by my students for the past school year. Trust me, you read some hilarious ones in there. Take the next line for example. It started out okay, then I got scared. "You are my most respected teacher… I want to make you proud... I will kill for you... You are the wind beneath my wings." Good thing the last sentence was there. It made me realize that it really is just a joke. I thought I had an assassin under my command. There's this one that said: "You look like Thranduil in the movie the Hobbit!" I know I'm not that tall but a hobbit, really? Good thing Google told me Thranduil is an elf. Phew! There are also prophetic ones like "I consider you as a good mentor and someday I k...

"Ma, I'll get his green squeaky toy," I said as I was about to get out from the car. "No," replied my mother, "just leave it in the house so we can have something to remind us of him." "He has other toys. Let's have the the green one, his very first toy, buried with him," I insisted. My mother agreed, "Okay." It's still 6AM and there's already much ado about our dog named Odie. My mother and I are in the car. We are discussing, with tears in our eyes, how we will bury our much-loved family member. While on our way, we reminisced our days with Odie. The times he would sniff our scent and hear the sound of our gate keys even if it's far from where he is inside the house and joyfully welcome us when we get inside. The times he would poke our knees during meals to ask us for table food. The times he, with puppy eyes and his adorable-tongue-out expression, would ask us to play with him. Digging his grave...

Doing the grocery was not part of my to-do list today. However, the opportunity to do so presented itself while I was in a mall that I rarely frequent. While I was at it, I saw somebody that I know who I haven't seen in a long time. Why is this chance meeting significant, you ask? Because I have always believed that when you meet people by chance and you haven't seen or heard from them from the longest time, the Universe is trying to tell you something through that person. It might sound weird but I think that during the time that both of you haven't seen each other, they've learned new things about life which you could learn through them. Sometimes, in an interesting way, it's the other way around. You may have a message to tell them; a life lesson they could learn from you. There are no such things as "chance" meetings. Hugo Cabret eloquently put it: "I'd imagine the whole world as one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts,...

If today were my last day, I would shed off every pound of unnecessary qualms in my life. I would not heed the disquiets of my mind. If today were my last day, I would embrace all the memories of my life with fondness. I would relish every ounce of opportunity  to hammer on these keys or whisper to the ears of my loved ones how much they matter to me. I would savor every inch of nostalgia from all the moments spent with them. If today were my last day, I would make sure that each step I'm taking is on the mile leading to my dreams and passion. If today I witnessed my last sunrise, I would revel in its profound beauty knowing that within its unfathomable depths lie the wisdom that I am exactly where I should be.

Music has always been an important part of my life. One of the vivid memories I have of it is how I eagerly listen to my parents' vinyl records every Sunday morning when I was a kid. Up until now, I can hear in my mind the crisp static-like sound at the start of every record or when there is a transition from one song to another. My aunt is my biggest musical influence. She stayed with us for a couple of years and she would play the guitar while we were tending to our sari-sari store. During the summer and semester breaks, we would flip over the pages of song hits and song books. Unfortunately, this was during my puberty years. So you can just imagine how often my voice would crack when I sing. Fortunately, my aunt was kind enough not to mind it and encouraged me continue liking music (even if it didn't like me in return, as the common joke would go).    All these fond memories came back to me when I attended Cattski Espina's music appreciation session last October 17...

Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that this is an essay on soft, gooey, mushy love, be forewarned that it is not. But this is going to be a short article on a kind of love that is as grand as any other form of love. It is about love and counseling. I got reacquainted today with the reason why I took up Psychology. I wanted to be a guidance counselor. This might come as unexpected to some of my friends and may even draw a laugh from a few but yeah, I wanted to become one. This afternoon, I was blessed to have been a part of the facilitating team for one of the activities of the Counseling Seminar for our third year students. I realized that the rush that I got was the same high as when I do training. The experience made me wonder where I would be right now if I took that path. Coincidentally, when I got home from this activity, I watched the movie Heaven is Real. There was a line in the movie that struck a deep chord. It said that "The one thing this love requires is to...

Coincidences have a strange way of landing right in front of us. Of all the nights that I decided to watch the movie The Fault in Our Stars, which centers on people coping with their cancer-stricken lives, it was also the night that I learned that my previous mentor, Ms. Gaye Cenabre, just passed away due to the same condition. I haven't been this much affected by the loss of one person. And Ms. Gaye is not even a relative so that should tell you how much I treasure her as a person. I haven't written about any person before and I would gladly make her my first. This article is about regret. Being a person who is into reading inspirational books, I have known about adages such as "Spend more time with the people who matter because you might never have another opportunity to do so." Yet it turns out that I failed to heed the wisdom of this quote. Since the start of this year, it has always been in my mind to visit Ms. Gaye. But this never happened. Busyness...

Untimely is an understatement. No one ever tells you when it will happen. Discovering that one has a penchant for words and the obsession with tugging soul strings was a slow and unromantic process for me.  It started out simply as writing my daily journals when I was still a kid. The pages were filled with endless narrations of what I did and how the day went. There was the occasional bragging of my academic accomplishments (the nerd!), a couple of crushes mentioned, and the childish complaints of a young one who thought that the world was against him. The last one, no doubt, a product of watching too much soap operas.  And then there were the yearly essays in school where the teacher required us to write on formal theme notebooks. At the start of every school year, my eyes would roll as the English teacher announced that the topic for the first formal theme entry was "What I Did In Summer." I might as well save myself the trouble and copy my essay from l...

Only three hours of sleep ought to have weighed my eyelids down. Yet sleep mocks me like an expected visitor that never arrives. I guess this is because of the last lecture I gave to my graduating students. There is this unnerving itch that beckons me to pound on the keys of my computer. Perhaps Maya Angelou was right when she said that there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. So let me make the untold told. Over four years ago, I wrote an entry on my blog which I called, regrettably for its overly grand style, Born to Teach. In there, I outlined the long but interrupted history I had with teaching and how I was led to the academe. I claimed professed my love for teaching. But now, I hate it. I hate it because, come to think of it, teachers are the most stupid bunch of people. Who would spend hours preparing their lessons just to see that look of students that tells us that we've made them understand how to unravel the Gordi...

One of the reasons why it always takes me quite a while to finish cleaning my room is that I tend to become nostalgic every time I come across my things from when I was younger (note the -er since as of this writing, I am relatively young). And by younger I am referring to myself when I was in college. I agree when people say that the best memories are made in high school. But there are also a lot of memories made in college that can whisk the nostalgic scent. Here are a few of them: Far from being narcissistic, I am actually taking a risk at becoming the ridicule of my friends, and probably even my students, for posting this photo. This one's from my high school yearbook. Why include this photo when I am supposed to talk about my college days. It is for the simple reason that the Erwin who entered the college halls was largely a product of my high school years. When I was in high school, I was so engrossed with joining school organizations. I can not recall anymore exactly how ...

Ironically, I spent World Teachers' Day by being a student. I became a student of the renowned Francis Kong. I have always shied away from attending motivational talks for two reasons. On a more practical matter, I'd rather save my money for something else. Second, as aptly put by one of my friends, we already know what those speakers are going to talk about. But since fate literally handed out a free ticket to me, my first reason was invalidated. As for my second reason, the talk was an event hosted by a friend for which my training team sponsored. So there, I found myself amidst approximately a thousand persons who were eager to hear Mr. Kong speak. Among the things I learned from the multi-awarded speaker were (1) You will never be happy unless you are productive and (2) The curse of business is inertia, the solution is momentum. These and a lot of others insights were very enlightening. But what was perhaps the most important realization I had was that even if I ...

In his hand, he is clutching an empty pack of Marlboro red. He didn't expect to find it in his car's compartment. He opens his hand and stare at the pack. And a floodgate of memories open. They met in school last semester. She always came in late. The teacher would always find a way to make a joke of her coming in late. He would laugh together with the rest of the class. That was how it went until the end of the sem. But as the days were numbered, he started missing her on days she was absent. Once, when he noticed that she was worried about possibly failing in class, he texted her through a number she gave him through a casual conversation after class. This led to friendship. As the days went on, she wanted more. But he was hesitant. And it remained like that for a couple of weeks. Sembreak came. They continued communicating. And then they went out. After a few drinks, they decided to go out of the bar and stay in the car. She lit a cigarette and offered him one. T...